Last year at this time, it was the day before my wedding & my 8 year old niece & I were scrambling around in the pouring rain getting my nails & hair done for the rehearsal dinner. By this time, my fiance had gone over to the cottage where we were getting married to make sure the tent was up to find there was no tent to be found. When he called the tent company, they said, some guys had arrived to put up the tent but then left because it was raining too hard. Um... that's exactly why we need the tent! But as the rehearsal hour arrived, the tent was up & the rain had stopped. The sun came out & all my girls had arrived from Tennessee, Ohio, Seattle & Maryland and it was so great to see them & have them all with me! (I sure miss you girls!!)
But I'm jumping ahead, it's only noon & right now my niece & I are driving around Holland, in the rain, unable to find the place where I have my nail appointment.
Last night I had a dream about my wedding... or I should say a nightmare. It was my wedding day but my fiance & I had been fighting, I was totally out in the open without any privacy where all the guests could see me (a no-no for the bride. Who wants to be a bride without a grand entrance?) And, I couldn't fit into my dress anymore so I had nothing to wear & none of my girls were around to help me. Plus, all the pictures had already been taken & I wasn't in any of them. I woke up very sad & haven't been able to shake the feeling since.
As I write about my dream I'm realizing what I'm going through. I had no idea I was going to feel like this upon my one year anniversary but I believe I'm grieving. Today, on the eve of my one year anniversary, I am missing my bridal party girls & I'm missing my dad. While I was sad last year that he wasn't alive for my wedding day, I felt really good about all the things I did during the wedding ceremony to remember him. But today...I'm feeling it more today.
Last night I asked my husband if he'd take me to a ball so I could wear a gown again. When he said he didn't know of any I told him he had one day to pull one together on time for the anniversary. Yes, folks, I think what we have here is a grieving bride of yesteryear. It's enough to drive me to chocolate chip cookies & Doritos.