Sunday, December 03, 2006
It's been snowing off and on the last couple days and I'm loving it. As soon as December arrived, the snow came and now it feels more like the holiday season. Today for the first time I'm not feeling so exhausted. I'm still feeling nauseous every now and then but I'm getting more energy back. It's a good feeling. I should only have a few more weeks til 2nd trimester! It still feels like it's going so slow. I feel like I've been stuck at 9 weeks for the past month! I know that's not true but I'm just so excited to start showing and to find out if we're having a boy or a girl and to feel the baby's movement inside of me. But I'm reminding myself what an amazing gift this time is - time to prepare and dream and anticipate and hope. This has been a spiritual time for me. I feel so utterly dependent on God for the health and protection of our baby. So much of my prayer time lately has felt like begging with God. Please don't let me miscarry; please keep this baby safe and healthy; please let me be able to deliver this baby naturally and not have to get a C-section, etc. I wonder how He will be changing my heart (and my prayers) through these remaining 7 months. My husband said something the other day that I really liked - he said that having a baby can bring us more in touch with our hearts and more in touch with our God. I like that and want that to be true. May that be the prayer of my heart no matter what is around the corner these next 7 months. When you want something so bad, it's scary to feel so vulnerable and dependent on God. I pray for peace and trust in my heart. I pray that I will truly believe that He is GOOD, no matter what. That's been a struggle in my heart for many years now.