Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Entering Holy Ground - taking off my shoes

I got a call for my first client yesterday! I am so very excited as this chapter is finally beginning to unfold! There's much for me to do to get ready... The director of Tri-cities Ministries in downtown Grand Haven, is letting us use his office so we have a place to see our clients (Husband got a client last week as well!) What an amazing blessing that is with how it all came together in such good timing. Now I just need to get my paperwork together & find a supervisor! I know it will all come together though & while I'm nervous to get back to counseling after a 10 month break, I'm so excited & feel so thankful to have this opportunity to be in such holy & sacred places with people; to talk about matters of the heart & body & soul & to be a witness to their entering & to their resistance to entering into their hearts & stories deeper. Our goal is to each have 5 clients by the end of 2004... We're on our way.

I'm meeting with an art therapist next week. Another therapist who I've been networking with told me about her. I'd love to have creativity & the process of art be an integral part of the counseling I do & I look forward to meeting & talking with her about how I can do that. I have on my business cards that I do "art therapy workshops". What's that you say? I'm not sure yet. I have some ideas swirling around in my head though & that would be most fun to put something like that together. I should probably try it out on friends & family first... anyone interested?

I'm off for a walk with my dear husband to get some ice cream to celebrate this new beginning!

Monday, August 09, 2004

Another day, another dollar

Very tired tonight... I was in work at 8 a.m. this morning. I actually enjoyed it though. Apart from not being used to getting up at 6:30 a.m. I like the shift. It's nice having a couple hours in the store to catch up on work before the customers arrive. I'm liking it more & more at B&N. My promo has turned out to really be a good thing. It's fun to "own" the newstand & be able to use my creativity in revamping & organizing it. And my managers have told me how pleased they are with my work so that always feels good!
One of the huge benefits of the Lead Newstand Seller position is that I get to take home whatever old magazines I want (after I remove the cover of course). I've been taking all of last month's writer mags & it's been great inspiration reading thru them. I really hope that come this fall, I can get on a writing schedule for myself & get into a writer's group. I want to get serious about my writing & get my stuff out there... even if that means publishing online. I used to think I'd never pursue that b/c it didn't feel as legit but it is legit & it's a good place to start building up a portfolio. I'm also wanting to get serious about advertising for clients this fall. I need to get myself out there & known! I got myself some business cards. And, the director of Tri-cities Ministries here in Grand Haven said he has office space for us to see clients so there's really no excuse now... it's a scary step but I really do want my desires to counsel to outweigh my fears.
It's still early August but I'm getting excited for fall. Fall is my favorite season & I anticipate experiencing a Michigan fall. I'd love to take a drive up north come October. I hear it's gorgeous there that time of year. I just feel nostalgic about the fall season. It's a fresh start. It's a new beginning. It's an adjustment I'm eager for.
I'm feeling better emotionally these days. Not sure why. Some days I wake up feeling blah & other days I don't. I certainly appreciate & enjoy the good days when they come. Alright, I'm gonna sign off & get to bed soon. Gotta wake up at 6:30 again tomorrow. Oh & Bono if you're reading this, call me! We have to catch up! Sweet dreams...

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Certified Happy Person

All that education & I still need more. Is there a course I can take on becoming happy? I'd like to get certified. Wouldn't that be cool at the end of my name: M.A., H.A.P.P.Y
But seriously, I'm so sick of being depressed! I want to be carefree and merry, damn it! My husband told me this morning that he thought I'd be happier now that we moved to Michigan... I thought I'd be happier too. Will I be when I have a counseling job? When I'm more connected into community here? When my writing gets published? Perhaps. I'm sure that will greatly help. But what if this is who I am? What if this is how God created me & it's good! Aggg! There's such an intensity & heaviness about me that I wish I could shed every now & then. I want to be more playful & less controlled - in all aspects of my life. I want to be flippant & lighthearted. Wow, that sounds redemptive. What a meaningful word that is for me: lighthearted. How amazing that would feel! How does one become lighthearted? What will it take for me to get there, no matter how fleeting it may be? There's so much inside of me - such a depth within my heart & soul & body - that feels so heavy & dark. I don't know how to grieve once & for all & let go & move on & Live & Love fully & wholeheartedly. There's so many deep crevices & mysterious labyrinths within me. So much of my past keeps me from moving forward into the kind of freedom I desire. It's been over two years since my dad died & it feels as though he is buried alive within me. And while I long to be experienced by others as being full of life & energetic & lighthearted, in so many ways, these days, I feel like I just go thru the motions. In many ways, I feel buried alive.
No certification? Well, how about a happy pill?

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Summertime Flu

Husband got the dreaded flu Friday night. It made for a very unhappy night & much lack of sleep for both of us. This was the first time I was ever graced with the sounds of my husband's stomach turning inside out & I'm ashamed to say I had to cover my ears. It was a horrible sound & I just couldn't take it. Call me weak, call me a bad wife. I don't know how my mom spent all those years when I was growing up, holding my hair back when I was sick. I wish I could be that nurturing & comforting & hopefully when I have kids it'll be different & I'll be able to do that but Friday night, I just wasn't there. I did, however, go into the bathroom after the puking stopped to make sure my dear husband was ok & to see if I could do anything for him. I do love him afterall, but I admit, there are limits.
Apart from Husband's appendix surgery 2 months after we were married, he just hasn't been sick during the 3 years I've known him. (Believe me, I'm seeing this as a blessing). I don't like when he's sick. I don't like those feelings of helplessness & worthlessness as I'm lying in bed at 1 a.m. & 4 a.m. & 6 a.m. & my husband is making horrible noises in the bathroom. Now I know what he's gone through all those times I've had a migraine & I've had my head in the toilet. Up to this point, Husband has seemingly had an invincible immune system. Perhaps there were little men inside of him warding off germs & viruses with shields & swords. But now that we've moved to Michigan, these little guys are taking too many skinny dips in Lake Michigan, and abandoning their armour on the beach in Husband's time of need.

He woke up feeling better today but then we took a trip to the grocery store & that sent him straight back to bed. However, there's Shark Week Marathon on Discovery channel today so he's not doing too bad.
I've managed to escape the flu so far. We'll see how long that lasts. Hopefully my mom will escape it as well. And again, thank you Mom for all those times when I was sick & you brought me cold washcloths & held my hair back as I puked. I hope one day I can live up to that with my family.

Speaking of illness & healing, please send up some prayers for our friends Mike & Kelly who just moved back to Grand Rapids from Seattle. Mike had his appendix out on Friday. Kelly just started her new position as Resident Director at Calvin College the same day as his surgery so please pray for both of them as they're adjusting to Kelly's new job & living on campus, Mike's pain from his surgery, missing friends back in Seattle, Mike looking for a counseling job, etc. Thanks! And Mike & Kelly, we're so glad you're here & can't wait to hang out with you again. Hope you feel better soon Mike!
Happy Birthday to my brother-in-law. Hope you're having a great day!
I'm gonna head downstairs & watch some Shark Week with my hubby. Hope you all are healthy & enjoying this first of August! Twenty days til my birthday! Woo Hoo!! :)

New blogger

My sister-in-law started a blog! She's such a creative & beautiful writer! Check it out! It's a very enjoyable read.