Today has not been a good day. Today I have not been the kind of Mommy I want to be for my kids. I have been tired, irritable, impatient. I had a hard time enjoying my kids today and that never feels good.
My husband is doing some renovations to our house so we've been living elsewhere for the past 4 days. I didn't realize how much that would affect me - and the kids. It's hard to stick to routines when not living at home. I haven't been exercising, haven't been eating as healthy as I'd like, haven't been sleeping well in an unfamiliar bed.
My 4 year old is missing home (and time with Daddy). This afternoon, after being locked out of the place we are staying (definitely part of the "not a good day"), after my initial frustration, the thought occurred to me, this could be SO much worse. What if one of my children were still inside while I'm locked out?! While my phone and purse were inside, I was grateful to have (both children) and my car keys with me. That enabled me to drive home, where my husband was working on the house, to use his phone to inquire about a spare key. After we figured out where the spare key was located, both kids back in the car, I'm driving back to find the spare key when from the backseat I hear my son crying saying how he misses Daddy and just wants to be home. "I have plans," I hear him say, tearfully. His sweet, wistful words makes me smile through my own tears. "I know, honey," I tell him. "I'm sad too. I miss Daddy too and just want to be home.
We got through the day and made it to dinner time. Can't wait for this day to be over. Hoping tomorrow will be better. I had been praying throughout the day that God would change my grumpy mood; that He would help me to be a better mommy than I have been today... but the day was continuing to be a struggle.
So my kids and I are eating dinner when out of nowhere, I start singing. This is nothing new or startling for my kids. I'm always singing. Although, not today. So for me, it's a little startling that I'm singing and mostly what I'm singing. I'm singing a song from my childhood... "This is the day, this is day, that the Lord has made. We will rejoice, we will rejoice and be glad in it. For this is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it..." Where did that come from? I am certainly not feeling like rejoicing or being glad about this day. And yet, this is what came to mind, and is coming out of my mouth (if not my heart). But guess what, I'm starting to feel it. Still tired. Still irritable. Still impatient. Still longing for a break, for quiet, for forgiveness for this not so good mommy day. But singing feels good. And there's a little more laughter, more smiles, more peace in the house as we close this day together. (despite the fact that my son is jumping on the bed rather than going to sleep...)
I guess God did answer my prayer.
Two more days til we get to go home. Anne of Green Gables reminds me, "Tomorrow is a new day; fresh, with no mistakes."