Trusting

Today marks 6 days beyond my due date. I am grateful to friends and family who have shared with me their birth stories of perfectly healthy late arrivals, despite my doctor saying I have now entered into “non-standard care” because I am late and not having a C-section.

It feels unreal that this is ever going to happen. Hospital bag is packed. My son's bag is packed to stay with his grandparents. And realistically I know that baby won't stay in my belly forever. At some point here, very soon, I will no longer be pregnant and perhaps this will be my last pregnancy. While I'm eager to meet our son or daughter, I am content to still be pregnant. I am grateful that I am feeling so well, even to the end here. Sure, I'm not sleeping very well and am feeling uncomfortable, but all in all, I am doing well. So it is fear that causes me to worry as each day passes beyond my due date and baby has not come yet. Fear that my body is failing me and I'll end up having to have a C-section. Fear that I will lose the baby the longer he/she is in my belly. Fear that I have to consciously not allow to get out of control. Fear that I am fighting with peace and trust. I know that this is a precious time right now that I won't ever have back and I don't want to miss out because I am eager to get on to what's next. So I remind myself to trust – trust that my baby knows when he/she is ready to be born. Trust that the birth process can be a gradual one and that I've already entered into it by having these stop and start contractions for a week now. Trust that despite my doctor saying there's nothing going on because I don't have any dilation yet, and the baby's head should be in the birth canal by now, in actuality, my body has been doing a tremendous amount of preparing this past week. Trust that my body knows what to do and in fact, is already doing it and will continue to until my baby is born. Trust that my baby will be fine and while it's good to continue to monitor the baby to ensure that my womb continues to be a good environment for baby, I don't need to be frightened by my doctor's scare tactics.

So I wait and rest and enjoy my family today for I don't know what tomorrow brings. Today I am grateful to be pregnant... to be "still pregnant"